now im really invaded.
i cant get enough of japanese culture as well as japanese movies. haha. im really fond watching them. in case you havent noticed, im slowly turning into 1. ahaha.
i watched SKY OF LOVE a while ago. geez. i havent cried over a movie for sometime now. great movie. kaya lang nakakainis.kung bakit? just try to watch it na lang. haha.
hindi ko alam kung pano sisimulan tong blog kong to sa dami ng gusto kong sabihin.
surprisingly, things are getting better each day. gigs have been coming lately and personally i didnt expect bout it much. lalo na magdedecember na.
well. a lot of things has been bugging me lately, i felt that i was rushing against time and i felt that my life is going nowhere. i dont know, maybe it was just a hush in my ears. napadaan lang, pero kasi i felt that i havent accomplished something kahit pa sabihin mong, im happy with what i have right now. apparently, while good things are going my way, meron din namang mga di masyadong magandang pangyayari, gaya ng pagenroll ko sa CEU, i thought id enroll this coming semester. di pa pala.sa march pa offered yung 18 units. hay. andami kong gustong mangyari by that time, siguro im 25 or 26 na pag nagawa ko nga yung mga gusto ko. ANG TANDA KO NA NON. haaayyysstt.
on the other hand, i was thinking of other people’s situation as to what they are going through, some reached 28 to 30’s feeling unaccomplished. I’d rather get it by 26 than stay in this kind of situation till i get old. not bad enough hehe.
i was also thinking of having a family. like the hell would i think about that, i haven’t even thought of getting into a relationship as of the moment even though i felt that i am ready to have 1. i dont know, funny thing is, im really eager to have a family of my own. haha.speaking of relationships, i wonder how would it be like getting back in the relationship again and be in love.like i said, i just wonder.haha
right now, i have two goals in mind. well make it 3. haha. first, get bigger (not bigger like really BIG) just lean. i bought this kind of choco milk worth 2 ninoy’s and yeah its very expensive. i just wanted to try this for a month to see if there’s slight changes. i wanted that lumpy cheeks when i was a kid.
2nd Goal is have my skin get really light, meaning i wanted to get that skin tone when i was a kid. ANG PUTI KO NUN. i wanted that back. haha. i just felt that when i looked at my pics back then, naisip ko, sinayang ko yung ka kyutan ko nun. i even remembered going to church and then suddenly people would just ask me where i live and talk to me even when they are strangers in my eyes. haha. its not that i dont love what i am now, i just wanted to become better.
3rd Goal is continue studying Jap and French. kahit nahihirapan ako, i know i can get it, its very rare that i get that chance to learn how to speak those languages. and yes. its another +7 IQ for me. hahaha.
aside from that, i just wanted to be in love again, contented and happy. nothing more but if Gid would give me that chance to do more. id gladly embrace it. i know there’s a lot for me out there and yes, im asking HIM to give it to me.
AMEN.
no one reads this, no one does.
so the hell would i care if i dive into the hole of my inner delusion. haha
anyways, jane just came into my mind all of a sudden, without frantic reasons. i wouldnt really care about her at all, yep, till now. I even catched his brother’s friendster to see that im not in anyway connected to her. haha. O well, i dont know, i just felt a sudden breeze of delusional persuasion, wanting to know where the hell is she and how things are going with her. Ok, dont get me wrong my dear coz honestly speaking, i dont even give a damn how many child she bears with who on earth knows what kind of a man she is with now, and frankly speaking, i dont even give a sh*t if they are still together coz im damn happy with the extent of my soliloqy and serenity of my whole being.
Undoubtedly, i can say that im fully ok now and happy with things around me. not to mention all the good things this world can offer.
just that, thinking bout my status now, i just wonder how things are going with her and yeah, i have to take that anger apart coz for me, its all over, im all good so even if i see her, i wouldnt even mind. in this life full of uncertainties, we cant have that full control over the series of events that will happen but im pretty sure, we’ll be able to meet again and take everything as memories. just for the sake of that.
im happy now, and yes. you will be happy too, i know you WILL.
Another friday morning. pero this is a different morning.bangon, dilat MP3. at makinig ng kanta ni Beyonce at Jinky Vidal early in the morning. May gig ako later sa Dusit kaya for sure kelangan ko nanaman mamotivate ang aking sarili sa mga inspirations ko (now i sound like an artist) ahaha.
i checked my phone…click:click: 4 messages. aba akalain mo ba naman may makaalala pang magtext. hehe
hmm ano ba gagawin ko today?
1.magaral ng lenggwahe.
2.magisip ng isusuot.
at malamang magiisip king anu babagay sa aking polo inspired na minakina ko the other day. ahahha.nagmukha kayang bolero, kamusta naman yun.haha
3.magisip ng hairstyle.
e nakakatamad ng magbraids.baka balik koren style na naman ako. haha.
4.hmm nadedemonyo akong magbleach.
oo nagbebleach ako. kasi yung peklat ko sa likod ko kelangan pumantay.haha. talk about bleaching. effective siya. at si ahn, blond na balahibo. mukha na siang baboy. ahahaha.
5.magdownload ng mga songs at magtransfer ng videos sa MP3 ko. at naaliw tlaga ako sa mp3 ko. THANKS KEV!!! hehe. nowhandy na ang mga fave videos ko at inspirations ko everywhere i go. hindi na natanggal sa tenga ko ang mp3 na to.
6. GUSTO KO MAGPAPICTURE ULET.
pansin ko lang sa bago kong primary photo, marami naaliw. hehe. pero di ako magpapagupit. kasi talagang plano ko magpahaba ng buhok saka ko pagugupitan.saka na pag nanawa ako. pero in fairness, dami nga nagpost na they like what i look daw. NYAAHHHH!!(talk about being conceited haha) just to inform you. in love pa ako nian, kami pa ni Jane nian. toinks
–break lang.
nagmessage saken yung traidor.hmm.ang masasabi ko lang. WALA KANG PAKIALAM at WALA AKONG PAKIALAM SAYO.
gaya ng sabi ko. friendship over
hmm. random blogs, random thoughts.
i haven’t blogged for a while, and yes, it had been tremendously intoxicating lately but i’d rather have that than stay home and just bum around for nothing. I dunno, i just had this feeling of spilling some thoughts over matters that kept me sane for a couple of weeks or so.
so what did we have? hmm. lemme see.
1. hai so desu ne, oui ca va pas.
What i am most thrilled about is going to U.P. and take classes on Japanese and French. At first, i thought i wouldnt be able to handle both since these languages are far from each other in terms of speaking and writing. They are both challenging for that matter but, it has challeneged me to draw my inner passion to surface in my vulnerable moments (more to that later). Quite frankly, Im proud of myself that im able to have this chance to learn again and make myself better. You know why i wanted to learn these languages? it’s because there is a passion of building myself again and use it to retaliate against self pity and insecurities. Although i hate to admit it, i felt that what i accomplished for the past couple of months has been out somewhere.i felt that this time would be the right time to take myself back again and start renewing the old ways. One way would be this.
Although its hard, i would say i really enjoyed each moment of learning. Now i can read and write hiragana and katakana and yes, ill be learning how to speak french as well. tresbien.
2.here’s for the band
The band is doing good, but we are having hard time doing auditions. haha. But yeah, every moment that im with my friends, i feel complete and I feel good. The laughter that i get every single moment makes me realize that there’s more in this world than love you get from that special someone. Well i sounded a bit bitter. But who cares, im just telling you what i really feel. haha.
3. my hidden agenda.
well you might have noticed, or you might have come across my shoutout lately and you can see my statements.
Hmm, as i look back, in those 3 years that has passed there are things that made me what i am now. Honestly, the pain and the struggles that i had is something i cant forget. Career and Love is at below 0 degrees and im trying my best to bring it up. I envy some of my colleagues and comrades that had already been in a full swing of life at this age. Im 23 yet, i havent accomplished something.
My mantra continues to dwell in me. Everything I lost, ill gain it back. Whatever the pain i got, this time i had to throw it back. My chance of having a simple yet contented life is something i yearn for the longest time. I do not aim for uber fame nor the tons of riches of this world but the happiness my heart really wants. I want to accomplish something and be proud of myself because in the years that has passed i havent been able to make myself proud. My world revolved to someone else and I made it ruin me.
This is the chance that i have to make, its a win or lose situation. If i dont act now. what else would be there for me. I was born to be someone. And yes, i was born to be me.
hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. kahit yung mga tao sa paligid ko di ko din maintindihan.
masyadong maraming bumabagabag sa utak ko ngayon.dala siguro ito ng di pagkasanay sa pagpirme dito sa bahay. lagi kasi akong gala, laging nasa kalsada at laging nasa harap ng tao…
minsan, sa pakikisalamuha ko sa mga ibang tao, nacocompromise din kung ano ako sa sarili ko. minsan, nakakapagod din yung mamlastik kahit sa loob mo, ayaw mo gawin yun pero kelangan. di ako magpapakaipokrito, walang taong at some point in their life has jeopardized their own belief system. it has cost them to risk their very own will at the expense of others.hindi maiiwasan yon. kahit pa sabihin mo na hindi ka plastik at the very least everyone has their own share of it.bakit ko ba naiisip to?
siguro dahil hindi ko na alam kung sino dapat paniwalaan at pagkatiwalaan, kahit sarili ko parang di ko na din pinagkakatiwalaan.habang tinitignan ko ang sarili ko, parang hindi lubos yung kasiyahan ko…parang, this is not who i wanted to be kahit sabihin nila na ok naman ako.
madami akong gustong gawin. gusto ko sumaya. pero di ko alam kung pano magsimula.napapagod ako. napapagod na ako sa ganito.
parang lahat kasi mali. gusto ko tumigil at lumayo at hanapin yung sarili ko.
tapos na yung multo ng nakaraan ko. sariling multo ko naman yung dapat kong ayusin.punyeta talaga.
masisiraan ako ng bait neto eh.
i salute myself for having the guts to have my journal back in the game.
It has been a long time since i decided to delete my old blogs for i did not find any reason at all why i have to keep them in my abode.
im back from the grave.
deal with it
